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| fun, david eggers, kama sutra, ascii art farts, beer, beach, overheardnew york, funny, drunk pic woman, critics, freeform, angryat, | Then you say, “Oh, here are my BMW keys, thank God I found them!” And then you leave, and I spend a blissful afternoon, Righty-free. What I wanted to say: barnard “Nobody gives a shit why you’re leaving early. When I took a half day last month, my email didn’t say ‘I’m off to get a PAP smear,’ did it? And barnard about the car: yes, we all know you drive a BMW. We also know that the BMW was given to you barnard free from your uncle, that it’s twenty years old, covered in rust, and breaks down on average once a month. Again, we are not impressed.” 4:45 PM - The new CSR (the black turtleneck and jeans one, not the sweater set one) walks by again. You scowl again, Lefty, although I can’t imagine why, as I’ve never seen you wear anything like the orange hoodie, pigtails, and Converse All-Stars that she’s sporting. But as she walks away, you say, “Jesus Christ, if you have belt loops, wear a fucking BELT.” |
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| You want drunk pic woman to see her face during the day? One or two photos will suffice, and maybe you’d stop losing paperwork if you had a square inch or two of your desk that wasn’t covered up with pictures. And drunk pic woman all the talk? drunk pic woman We KNOW you have a baby. We don’t care. You’re just showing off, trying to make us jealous. All it’s making us is angry.” THURSDAY: 12:00 NOON - Righty, you’re taking a half day so that you can take your daughter up to New York, to meet with an agent and get her into commercials and catalog work. You send out an email to the entire company saying, “I’m out at noon to take my daughter to New York and make her a star!” As you’re about to leave, you can’t find your car keys. “Where are my BMW keys?” you ask. “I can’t believe I can’t find the keys to my BMW. Has anyone seen my BMW keys?” And when you find them, they are, surprise, surprise, behind one of your picture frames. |
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