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| fun, david eggers, kama sutra, ascii art farts, beer, beach, overheardnew york, funny, drunk pic woman, critics, freeform, angryat, | You spend rage the next hour and a rage half showing everyone who walks by the picture of her making poopy on the potty and twenty minutes after that trying to find space on your desk for the frame. Because you have TWELVE other photos of her, clogging up your cube. For the rest of the day, rage your incessant jabbering is peppered with statements like the following: “Oh, I like your skirt, pink is my daughter’s favorite color,” “Ooh, you’re eating popcorn, my daughter loves popcorn,” “Is that a SpongeBob screensaver? My daughter knows all the words to the theme song,” and “Oh, that’s a cute picture of your baby, did I tell you that I’m taking my daughter to an agent tomorrow?” What I wanted to say: “While I respect and admire the fact that you love and are proud of your child, give it a rest! |
Best Mature Paysites
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| She is wearing khakis and a lilac sweater set, has a perm, and is very sweet. Lefty, you glare at funny her and as she walks away, you hiss “What a square… who wears sweater sets anymore?” What I wanted to say: “First of all, Lefty, are you a beatnik now? Who calls someone a ‘square?’ Are you going to start ironing your hair and quoting funny ‘Howl,’ too? And second of all, this funny woman is your mother’s age. Cut her a break.” WEDNESDAY: 9:00 AM - Lefty, you and I are both wearing v-neck sweaters from H&M. Mine is black and yours is gray, but you scowl and say, “Oh, nice sweater” with venom in your voice. Your gaze travels down to my black suede boots that I bought last month and you say, “I used to have boots like that… back when they were in style.” What I wanted to say: “Go fuck yourself.” 9:15 AM - Righty, you have a new photo of your toddler daughter who somehow, I must admit, ended up being adorable. |
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