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| company benefits, david eggers, rage, muslim, mama, jeremy brothers, god, discrimination, triple, writing, stories, tremendous, dave eggers, nude, chicks, israel blogs, sumbissions, asian rape, sex, corpse, pissed at, lingerie, | I chose her birthday, and after dinner I went to the basement to prepare her. She was in an embossed metal box, welded shut for an apparent eternity, and I had to use an old fashioned can opener to cut it open. It was a struggle. I worried about letting fly her ashes to the basement floor, simpson commingling with redwood sawdust and bits simpson of solder simpson droppings. She was placidly resting in an ultra heavy duty plastic bag, tied at the top with a twistie. I strode up the hill with Carmen's baggy nested within a double Safeway plastic shopping bag under one arm, disguised because I had become aware that what I planned was illegal, and counting prayer beads with the other hand, because I was praying a Buddhist rosary as I went. |
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| How could you lie to rne? Why did you lie to me? Repeat. I stopped rage meditating. I put Carmen in a drawer. I discussed my dilemma with Loren, but no one else. Carmen shamed me from the drawer, then from a shelf where I used her for a rage bookend, then back to the shrine, because though I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I did know rage that as an ex-person she deserved some sort of sacred space, however provisional that may have been. Discovering I was adopted a couple of weeks after Carmen's death put a big crimp in my grieving cha-cha. Every mournful memory was woven into a curse. I eventually succeeded in not thinking about it for long stretches of time, but that didn't make it any better when I did. Years passed, and I let this reproachful situation eat at me slowly. Then something clicked, I don't know what, maybe nothing more than the same urge that gets us out of an uncomfortable chair we've been sitting in too long. |
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