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| shwarma, driving drunk, seth diamond, angry about, video, stress, pamela, jennifernew, drunklesbian, anderson, anger, barnard, erotic, laws, drunk moms, dirtyjokes, agnosticism, holidays, postsecularism, literary, dogging, judaism, forum, | What I wanted to say: “First of all, Lefty, are you a beatnik now? Who calls someone a ‘square?’ Are anal you going to start ironing your hair and anal quoting ‘Howl,’ too? And second of all, this woman is your mother’s age. Cut her a break.” WEDNESDAY: 9:00 AM - Lefty, you and I are both wearing v-neck sweaters from H&M. Mine is black anal and yours is gray, but you scowl and say, “Oh, nice sweater” with venom in your voice. Your gaze travels down to my black suede boots that I bought last month and you say, “I used to have boots like that… back when they were in style.” What I wanted to say: “Go fuck yourself.” 9:15 AM - Righty, you have a new photo of your toddler daughter who somehow, I must admit, ended up being adorable. |
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| I can go out drinking until three in the morning without worrying about a babysitter drunklesbian and I can spend an entire Sunday naked on the couch, eating Cookie Crisp from the box, without making a bad impression on anyone. You’re a wife and mother - good for you. But some of us want drunklesbian different things and that doesn’t make us worthless or irresponsible. And if you eve call me ‘sweetie‘ again, I will punch you in the throat.” 4:15 PM - Another new CSR, a woman in her late forties, comes to my desk to give me a phone message that I’d missed. She is wearing khakis and a lilac sweater set, has a perm, and is very sweet. Lefty, you glare at her and as she walks away, you hiss “What a square… who wears sweater sets anymore?” |
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