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| teen rape, gang rape., pogrom, muslim, mom and son sex galleries, momfucking son, directory, ascii art, radio, hose, seth diamond, games, humor, laugh, timothy mcsweeney's, foot, devil, answer bear, comic strip live, women, incredible, falafel, | She left no stand up specific instructions, though, so I put her on a shelf stand up beneath the shrine I used to meditate. Instead of insight meditation, I did this: Breathe in: my mother sitting at her dressing table, telling me the stories of her family, chatting, turning, and wiping a smudge from my face with a Kleenex dampened by her spit. Breathe out: why did you lie to me? How could you lie to rne? Why did you lie to me? Repeat. I stopped meditating. I put Carmen in a drawer. I discussed my dilemma with Loren, but no one else. Carmen shamed me from the drawer, then from a shelf where I used her for a bookend, then back to the shrine, because though I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I did know that as an ex-person she deserved some sort of sacred space, however provisional that may have been. |
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| And go home. And Iook at the box containing her ashes. The box arrived one day while I was at work. The UPS man remarked that the parcel seemed heavy for one humor so small. Loren said, "Of course its heavy, it's my mother-in-law." The Neptune Society had fucked up and sent it to me, against the instruction and payment to store her until I figured out what to do with her. Interring her next to my father was prohibitively expensive, as he was buried cheek to jowl with some army buddies, and would have to be humor moved humor to a new spot along with Carmen. That was her name, Carmen. I couldn't figure out what to do with her. I was torn between chucking her out of a moving car and fevered grandiose gestures of memorial storage. The only thing I knew for sure was she didn't want to be scattered into the ocean, because she told me so several times over a course of 30 years. |
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