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Your gaze travels down to my black suede boots that I bought last month and you say, “I used to have boots like that… back when they were in style.” What I wanted to say: “Go fuck yourself.” 9:15 AM - comedians Righty, you have a new photo of your toddler daughter who somehow, I must admit, ended up being adorable. You spend the next hour and a half showing everyone who walks comedians by the picture of her making poopy comedians on the potty and twenty minutes after that trying to find space on your desk for the frame. Because you have TWELVE other photos of her, clogging up your cube. For the rest of the day, your incessant jabbering is peppered with statements like the following: “Oh, I like your skirt, pink is my daughter’s favorite color,” “Ooh, you’re eating popcorn, my daughter loves popcorn,” “Is that a SpongeBob screensaver? My daughter knows all the words to the theme song,” and “Oh, that’s a cute picture of your baby, did I tell you that I’m taking my daughter to an agent tomorrow?”
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