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| jewish blog, rape stories, lohan, fucking, louvin brothers, art director, lingerie, beer, eve, extreme, 2001, hentai rape, wage and hour, ha, priests, safety hazards, literary, commentary, stand up new york, anderson, anal, discussion board, celebrities, | gesture. "He religion could Chuck Norris that door open!" finished Friend Guy. "Chuck Norris the door open!" scoffed Cashier Guy as religion I walked out the door without the religion Gopher, Chuck Norris, or a cheapskate of a husband. Then I went home, gave Dave the benadryl and he threw up all over me. Autism causes a little thing called "Extreme Oral Aversion" in some kids, see, and the only things that go in Dave's mouth are mashed potatoes, chicken soup, and ice cream. Its like OCD with choking and puking instead of counting and hand washing. So I stripped off to my bra and panties while my mother threw the kid in the tub and we laughed like hell while I cleaned up the couch and because I had been wanting a cig since 5 PM, I smoked one on the back porch, in my underwear, behind my lovely privacy fence. |
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| And I'm sure I scared the shit out of these two guys, like I scare everybody, when I looked over at the Gopher and said, "That's Billy Mays, 'The Stain Specialist.' Who made him the Stain Specialist? My mother could fucking be the Stain Specialist." That commercial has always pissed me off. And we have almost a full can of OxiClean in the laundry fucking room, cause the shit don't work.But if they were scared of my crazy ass they played it off well. Cashier Guy said, fucking "That's very true. Your mother could be the stain specialist." Friend Guy countered with, "Billy Mays is the Stain Specialist because he has a beard." And I opened my mouth and out came the biggest internet cliche since the for christ sakes hampster dance: "Chuck Norris has a beard, and you don't see him using a Gopher!" Friend Guy said, "He's Chuck Norris, and he could..." he struggled to find the best part of the Chuck Norris list. I waved my hand in the "go on..." |
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