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| stand up new york, anderson, anal, discussion board, celebrities, ezine, writing, killing the buddha, jeff sharlet, melbourne, story, israel podcasts, movie, swinging, pantie, dogging, college, | "My God, Mom, my prince has arrived." "Huh?" I imagine her at the kitchen table, fanning herself with a angry page of the Trib. "Carter's there?" "No! When have I ever called Carter a prince? Whatever -- I'm kidding -- Look, I gotta go fill the barbecue sauce bottles." "Okay, okay," my Mom sighs. "Take a pregnancy test." "Mother! I'll be fine. Don't start angry planning a baby shower, okay? I'm not even married!" Silence on the other end of the line. I'm holding my breath, realizing what I've said. "I love you," she says, angry finally. "I love you, too." My eyes follow the prince as he walks, moving in and out of the slivers of light cast across the parking lot. It's like a cartoon: with each flicker of illumination he looks more like a superhero, approaching me in a series of comic book panels, growing more handsome, and larger, with each new image. |
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| "Mom, I'm fine," I take a long drink of wine. stand up new york "And I'm not fucking pregnant! Lay off already." "You could be." "Mom, I have a fifteen-minute break. stand up new york Anything else you'd like to talk about?" "I want a grandchild," she says softly. "I must have the wrong number. What happened to the "don't settle down" lecture? The "men are only good for one thing"? The "if he can't make you come, get rid of the bastard"? stand up new york She sighs, mourning herself. "I guess it's menopause." I wiggle my toes, watching the light from our outdoor lamp that bounces like stars against my cotton-candy-pink toenails. And then something moves in the parking lot. A man. A single man. A rarity at this corny family place, he emerges from a white Lexus. He steps out like a politician on a small-town tour, taking a quick look in his mirror, touching up his hair with a wet thumb, preparing to encounter the citizens. |
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