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| anger, hollywood, manifesto, erin, men, drunklesbian, pic post, stress, swinging, nudists, college, minor laws, laws, writer, foot, gotham comedy club, israel blogs, greatest, mom son, drunk pantie, | Breathe out: why did you lie to me? How could you lie to rne? Why did you lie forum to me? Repeat. I stopped meditating. I put Carmen in a drawer. I discussed my dilemma with Loren, but no forum one else. Carmen shamed me from the drawer, then from a shelf where I used her for a bookend, then back to the shrine, because though I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I did know that as an ex-person she deserved some sort of sacred space, however provisional that may have been. Discovering I was adopted a couple of weeks after Carmen's death put a big crimp in my grieving cha-cha. Every mournful memory was woven into a curse. I eventually succeeded in not thinking about it for long stretches of time, but that didn't make it any better when I did. |
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| Interring her next to mom son my father was prohibitively mom son expensive, as he was buried cheek to jowl with some army buddies, and would have to be moved to a new spot along with Carmen. That was her name, Carmen. I couldn't figure out what to do with her. mom son I was torn between chucking her out of a moving car and fevered grandiose gestures of memorial storage. The only thing I knew for sure was she didn't want to be scattered into the ocean, because she told me so several times over a course of 30 years. She left no specific instructions, though, so I put her on a shelf beneath the shrine I used to meditate. Instead of insight meditation, I did this: Breathe in: my mother sitting at her dressing table, telling me the stories of her family, chatting, turning, and wiping a smudge from my face with a Kleenex dampened by her spit. |
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