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This one time when on the worst date ever I pretended I was an ex-gigolo just to get laid. I dogging was out of my depth but I dogging had no money to take her out for an expensive meal. She was so impressed she paid me to buy her a present. I managed to get some shoddy crack from dogging a local nuttier who told me a joke about babies being nailed to trees. He also told me he had only one bollock. I asked him why and he explained that the embarrassing injury was caused by Mr. Joe McCrapalot who projectile vomited a stream of his most hated food so powerful that it actually tore it off.I found this all very arousing but unfortunately I was overheard by my date. She then proceeded to dump me by throwing a brick at my head just because she saw me wanking over the nearest mini cab. My real dilemma was an inability to decide between seeking revenge by taking a shit in her purse or just shouting a witty comeback at her about her foot shaped mouth.
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