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Go to the VA child support website and do your own calculation and you will see it. Please do not take offense to what I'm about to say but if you speak like you write, that is another reason that I think you secular might be causing the child to act like he secular does and in fact not be the fathers fault. You sound like a woman that is after whatever she can get and wants everything her way. I secular agree. Mom is doing SOMETHING to cause the child's reaction. If the fits the child is having were caused by something dad had done to him, the court would never have given him shared custody. I'm a single mother myself. In fact, I went to great lengths and great expense to ensure my ex husband would never be around the children unless the issues that made him a DANGER to the children's well-being were FIRST addressed, so it can't be said that I am just one of the pro-dad fanatics. The child is only three. No, dad shouldn't encourage the child to call the SM mom, but if the child is doing it on his own, how can he stop it?
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