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priests, safety hazards, literary, commentary, stand up new york, anderson, anal, discussion board, celebrities, ezine, writing, killing the buddha, jeff sharlet, melbourne, story, israel podcasts, “I fisting can’t leave my wife.” “We’re meant to be together. It’s karma. Can’t you feel it when we make love?” “That’s $4.58?” the checkout girl says. I hand her a five as Maggie says, “You know we have something special.” “We fisting do, but I’m staying married.” The checkout girl hands me the change and says, “Have a Happy Thanksgiving.” “Happy Thanksgiving,” I say, making a mental note to never set foot again in this supermarket with fisting Becki. Maggie waits until we are outside and standing on Seventh Avenue to say, “You think I’m only good enough for a once-a-month thing?” “No, but, I was clear when I placed my personal ad in the Village Voice that I was looking for a mistress, no-strings situation.” “So, I’m a fucking slut?!?” “Lower your voice. You’re making a scene.” A woman passing the supermarket with her daughter picks up her pace. A nurse walking across Seventh Avenue from Methodist Hospital across the street stares at us and shakes her head. “I’m not making a scene,” Maggie shouts.
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  “I could celebrities say celebrities the same, Ted Guslavic,” she says, mispronouncing my beloved character’s name “Guslav-ick,” as in rhymes with dick, rather than “Guslav-each,” as in rhymes with peach. She knows from my writing that my character hates mispronunciation of his name. We have both spun an interesting little web of lies and deceptions to conceal our real identities from each other. We walk into the D’Agostino’s supermarket in silence, and locate containers of paprika and cumin. “What do you want, Maggie?” I say, as we approach the checkout. “I want to be with you,” I say. “Do celebrities you have a reward card?” the checkout girl asks. “No, sorry,” I say. “We could have hot sex constantly,” Maggie says, as the checkout girl scans the paprika and cumin and listens to our conversation, which is probably unlike any other she has overheard on this Thanksgiving Day.
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