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priests, safety hazards, literary, commentary, stand up new york, anderson, anal, discussion board, celebrities, ezine, writing, killing the buddha, jeff sharlet, melbourne, story, israel podcasts, “They found it in geese in Bulgaria,” I say, feeling badly that I’m prevaricating funny links so blatantly and doing so with such ease. “Or, maybe, in Slovenia. I’ve never been able to keep any of those countries straight. It would be easier if the Russians had won the Cold funny links War and it was all called Russia.” I double click on Verdi’s Otello funny links as performed by Pavarotti and the Chicago Symphony; it is a changeup from the Arctic Monkeys, but I’m craving opera. “I didn’t know you downloaded opera,” Becki says. “What is it?” “Otello,” I say. “It’s a Verdi opera. That’s Luciano Pavarotti singing.” “You’re full of surprises.” Indeed. Becki asks me to prepare the celery and jicama for the Celery and Jicama Sauté. I read the relevant part of the instructions, and slice the celery and cut the jicama as directed while Otello plays in the background.
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Holy Mighty Fucking Fuck. What has she done? I inhale sharply and audibly. My wife asks, “Is everything okay, honey?” “Fine,” I say. “I closed the laptop on my thumb.” I click the email open. It says: “I’m leaving Justin. literary I’m in love with you. I must speak to you. Email me back right away. I love you. Ciao, Maggie.” Maggie literary is one of the few people I know who writes emails in complete sentences with punctuation and capitalization and who eschews online abbreviations, slang and symbols. literary The email was sent at 8:37AM, more than three hours ago. “Holy shit,” I mutter. “Why did you say ‘holy shit’?” Becki says. “The BBC says there’s more bird flu in Europe.” “Where did they find the birds?” Who knows? Avian flu is poised to wipe out tens of millions of people globally and the word “pandemic” is now part of the vocabulary of people who normally don’t use words much bigger than “cat” and “dog,” but I’m making up the story.
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