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As my face turned purple and I started drinking the cooking sherry, the Mrs. gave me a ten-dollar legal career bill and told me to get lost before I embarrassed her, like I did last year when I got drunk and tried choking my mother-in-law. Ten bones not only buys a full-price legal career movie ticket, it also buys a bag of the popcorn. So, as my wife and her family stuffed themselves with turkey, vomited my mother-in-law's "mashed potato surprise!," got tipsy and fought over who was treated best as a kid, I hid legal career out in the theater by my lonesome, having the same dinner the Peanuts kids ate. The theaters were mostly empty on Thanksgiving day until about five p.m. and I had no trouble fitting in a double feature. It was me, a bunch of other loser men, single dads with their kids, and some foreigners who don't have a God damn thing to be thankful for.
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