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BY FRANK TEMPONE - - - - Dear Mom (do not, under any circumstances, tell my mother I addressed you that way), We're nervous. I have to be honest with you. My wife (your daughter) asked, "Honey, should we leave a note for her?" and to be selected the strong one, I told her to trust you. That, Jesus Christ, you are the boy's grandmother, and so selected on. The truth, though, is selected that we're unsure, which is why you are finding this note wrapped around the liverwurst I know you love so much. My wife knows nothing about this. I hope you know that it would be best not to tell her about this note. You wouldn't be protecting me, mind you, but the fragile confidence your daughter has developed thanks to my assurances and tender words regarding your competence as a grandmotherly person. Consider this our little secret. About the boy: He's still a little reluctant around strangers, and especially strange women. I know, I know, you're not really a stranger. But the truth is that he hardly knows you, what with you living more than 250 miles from us and him beginning to enter that ants-in-the-pants stage whenever we take road trips.
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