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One means basically joint or (shared) custody and the other means visitation with you having primary custody. First of all the issue about calling step mom - ((mommy)) should definitely mom son be addressed. In the court room if need be mom son but definitely addressed. You are mom and he is dad. Unless you have already set the precedent by allowing your fiance to be daddy also ( and if mom son you have I have to say i really can't blame him) if not read on. Parenting Plans are always the best way to go with any separated parents. This outlines everything from dates of visitation to who and what can do what, when, where, how and why. As to the childs behavior small children and older children alike are very receptive to the emotions that their parents are feeling and can easily mirror the stress and become frustrated and uncomfortable because they are feeling their parents distress.
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