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My Gran, in front of my Mum and Dad, asked me what wanking was... she'd heard the word on telly. My Mum told her it was another word for masturbation which she seemed content with. She then said to me 'Does that irritate your hand?'. I turned bright red, my Mum and Dad laughed their asses off and after a confused look my Gran piped up, 'I meant the holidays bandage' - in holidays all the excitement holidays I had forgotten I had a sprained wrist from Basketball... she wasn't even senile. (Chom, Wed 2 Jun 2004, 14:03) At boarding school some bloke was having a shuffle, and ended up bursting a blood vessel in his bell-end. He then had to run all the way up to the nurses office (at about 1 in the morning) dressed in nothing but a dressing gown and a large beach towel wrapped around his nob, which was drenched with blood. However, he was a fairly short bloke, and he lost quite a lot of blood, so while he was waiting for the nurse to get dressed and come to the door, he fainted on the doorstep.Cue
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