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She was placidly resting in an ultra heavy duty plastic bag, tied at the top with a twistie. 1990 I strode up the 1990 hill with Carmen's baggy nested within a double Safeway plastic shopping bag under one arm, disguised because I had become aware that what I planned was illegal, and counting prayer beads with the other hand, because I was praying a Buddhist rosary as I went. 1990 I was undisturbed as I stood on the rock outcropping watching the City radiating out from the foot of Bernal Mountain. I searched the night sky for the owl that lives up there, but she was out, hunting. I talked to Carmen, look I' m still fucking mad as hell, but I can't keep this up. Rest here, I like this place, I come here a lot. I hope you're happy (this last said in earnest). I opened the twistie and threw the baggy up, holding the bottom corners. Instead of the even, gentle dispersal I had imagined, my mother's ashes came out in three or four heavy lumps, and formed some odd but distinct shapes on the ground a few feet away.
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