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Apparently, you listen in on the whole thing, because as I end the message to my boyfriend with an “I love you” and hang up, you say, “Aww, that’s sweet. Now when is that man going to put a ring on your finger?” When I tell you that I’m in mother fucking deer no rush to get married, you say, “You may think that now, sweetie, but your mother fucking deer clock is ticking, you know.” What I wanted to say: “Righty, go to hell. I’m 27 years old and if I ever decide to mother fucking deer have babies, I have plenty of time. Right now, I’m having a ball being single and childless. I live in a beautiful apartment, blissfully alone. I travel three or four times a year, sometimes at a moment’s notice. I can go out drinking until three in the morning without worrying about a babysitter and I can spend an entire Sunday naked on the couch, eating Cookie Crisp from the box, without making a bad impression on anyone.
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