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I wanted to sell her pecan tassies, raspberry torts, and peach scones out of the house. It might be difficult to recall that conversation since you call here just about every single fucking day. (Oh goodness, did I just write that?) Perhaps you'll recall this golden response: "I andrew flintoff see myself having concerns." Then you went on to say, "I'm only thinking about what's best for my daughter and grandson." Your concern is heartfelt, obviously, even if it doesn't include a concern for my well-being. (Remember andrew flintoff that time I told you that I andrew flintoff never, ever forget?) One other thing: our son (your grandson) has developed a bit of lactose intolerance. The doctor says it's normal and temporary, but that we should monitor it closely. Please avoid slicing bits of mozzarella for the boy while you're cutting it up for yourself. Also, no milk. And (big favor here) when you change his diaper, if you would scoop some of his cute little poopies onto your fingers and feel the consistency, wash your hands thoroughly, then record your findings on the attached spreadsheet, it would be most appreciated.
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