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I’m really not kidding when I say that he has begun growling at anything that jessica comes within feet of our front yard, including the skinny UPS boy who delivered our multiple Tivo boxes and a belligerent bird jessica who defiantly sits on the porch and tweets, that tweeting motherfucker. I know it’s hard to believe and all, but I couldn’t be more serious and not kidding when I say that I am completely overwhelmed and on the verge of TOTALLY FREAKING OUT. jessica And I’m not kidding when I say that homeownership, while thrilling and far better than living-with-the-stepfather-ship, makes me want to cry and crawl back into the womb where there were no lawns to mow or boxes to unpack or water bills or holes to drill for telephone wires or paint buckets or recycling bins to make sure are out by the curb on Tuesday morning far enough away from the car parked in front of the house so that the bastards WILL PICK IT UP THIS TIME.
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