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But the truth is that he hardly knows you, what with you living more drunk pantie than 250 miles from us and him beginning to enter that ants-in-the-pants stage whenever we take road trips. (You're not still thinking about moving down here, are you?) Oh, by the way, whatever you do, don't drunk pantie flush the toilet. As parents of the twenty-first century, we're attempting to raise our son in a way far superior to the methods our parents employed. So it's important you don't raise your voice above a drunk pantie level we like to call "concerned." To help you understand the distinguishing characteristics of our interpretations, I've converted the levels of reprimand to a context you will be most familiar with: 1. Hysterical: This approximates the incomprehensible screaming and hurtful words you levied upon my wife (your daughter) when, at the age of three, she attempted to console you during one of your bouts of depression after my father-in-law (your ex-husband) walked out on the two of you.
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